A Humble Suggestion
By Jenna Nicole Simpson
FOR SOLVING THE PROBLEM IMPOSED ON AMERICANS BY THE ONSLAUGHT OF REALITY PROGRAMMING, AND ADDRESSING THE COUNTRY'S ECONOMIC CONCERNS
By Jenna Nicole Simpson
FOR SOLVING THE PROBLEM IMPOSED ON AMERICANS BY THE ONSLAUGHT OF REALITY PROGRAMMING, AND ADDRESSING THE COUNTRY'S ECONOMIC CONCERNS
Over the past few years, this great nation has been domestically infiltrated by an outbreak of reality television which is severely challenging the intellectual capacity of its viewers. Additionally, a growing preoccupation with personal celebrity and obsession with vanity is on the rise.
It is agreed that this problem is getting out of hand, but no realistic suggestions have surfaced. While it is a valid concern, reality television is highly addictive and as a season nears cancellation, those so-called “writers” get creative and change the show's location from Los Angeles to someplace exotic like Hawaii, Fiji, or Chernobyl. The Nielsen Ratings show that 31.2 million Americans watch American Idol each week, making it the most viewed show in the United States. Furthermore, five of the top-watched programs are either reality or game shows. On the main cable networks today 75 reality shows ranging from “celebreality,” to basic survival in the wild, and even home makeover shows dominate broadcasting, dozens of which air at prime time. And so I have pondered the best way to rid the country of this spreading epidemic.
After thinking about this subject for the past two years I have come up with the simple solution of dissolving electricity and no longer supplying it to the billions of homes across the United States. Not only will this solve Americans' VANITY and SELF-OBSESSION, but cutting electricity will also alleviate many other related economic and unemployment issues.
Cutting electric lines carries great advantages for this nation; initially Americans will have to revert back to an agrarian society. Since the U.S. will no longer have electricity, people must reevaluate the way they look at food production and consumption. This will generate a market for everyone who has lost their job due to electrical cutbacks, and each home will be in charge of cultivating its own raw materials. Because of the physical toil necessary for this harvest, America as a whole will be a much fitter nation. People will no longer need to refrigerate or microwave highly processed foods and heart-attack and stroke in addition to aggressive cancers will significantly decrease because of national consumption of organic, fresh foods. Not to mention, general laziness resulting from countless hours in front of television sets or computer screens will decrease 100 percent. Also related to health concerns, stress rates will be lower as Americans will no longer have to deal with technical frustrations arising from dropped calls, Internet servers down, broken fax machines, and computer viruses. Imagine a lifetime without a single technical difficulty. Such bliss is nearly unfathomable.
Transportation will not be affected by this solution because electric cars are losing popularity, judging from projected SUV sales over the next few years. As long as engine fuel is mined by hand or alternative power sources, vehicles can still be on the road. Besides, with agricultural production up tenfold, the increased reliance on gas-guzzling SUVs will be offset as increased cultivation leads to increased oxygen and better overall air quality.
This solution will create an even larger job market for writers, because with fewer mindless pleasures, there will be a greater demand for authors. Cameras rolling 24/7 completely eliminate the need for script writers, so those left unemployed by reality T.V. may redirect their efforts towards journalism. Print culture will have to revert back to printing presses and hydraulic typewriters. Since newspapers will require more effort to publish, there will be less tabloid news dedicated to celebrity sightings, and more emphasis on producing actual news stories. With the combination of more printing presses and high demand for farmers, children once occupied with video games can redirect their energy towards benefiting their society's demand for consumer goods.
However, I myself am completely immune from this epidemic as my only motive is to ameliorate the negative sanitary, medical, and economic conditions of my country by eradicating electricity and reverting to an agrarian society. The fact that the pseudonym I have chosen is similar to a recently deceased celebrity dispels any potential for popularity that may rise from this ingenious solution, and so the nation as a whole will reap its benefits. Besides, just ask any American if they would rather be self-reliant and hardworking or waste away hours watching his or her neighbor mow the lawn on television.
It is agreed that this problem is getting out of hand, but no realistic suggestions have surfaced. While it is a valid concern, reality television is highly addictive and as a season nears cancellation, those so-called “writers” get creative and change the show's location from Los Angeles to someplace exotic like Hawaii, Fiji, or Chernobyl. The Nielsen Ratings show that 31.2 million Americans watch American Idol each week, making it the most viewed show in the United States. Furthermore, five of the top-watched programs are either reality or game shows. On the main cable networks today 75 reality shows ranging from “celebreality,” to basic survival in the wild, and even home makeover shows dominate broadcasting, dozens of which air at prime time. And so I have pondered the best way to rid the country of this spreading epidemic.
After thinking about this subject for the past two years I have come up with the simple solution of dissolving electricity and no longer supplying it to the billions of homes across the United States. Not only will this solve Americans' VANITY and SELF-OBSESSION, but cutting electricity will also alleviate many other related economic and unemployment issues.
Cutting electric lines carries great advantages for this nation; initially Americans will have to revert back to an agrarian society. Since the U.S. will no longer have electricity, people must reevaluate the way they look at food production and consumption. This will generate a market for everyone who has lost their job due to electrical cutbacks, and each home will be in charge of cultivating its own raw materials. Because of the physical toil necessary for this harvest, America as a whole will be a much fitter nation. People will no longer need to refrigerate or microwave highly processed foods and heart-attack and stroke in addition to aggressive cancers will significantly decrease because of national consumption of organic, fresh foods. Not to mention, general laziness resulting from countless hours in front of television sets or computer screens will decrease 100 percent. Also related to health concerns, stress rates will be lower as Americans will no longer have to deal with technical frustrations arising from dropped calls, Internet servers down, broken fax machines, and computer viruses. Imagine a lifetime without a single technical difficulty. Such bliss is nearly unfathomable.
Transportation will not be affected by this solution because electric cars are losing popularity, judging from projected SUV sales over the next few years. As long as engine fuel is mined by hand or alternative power sources, vehicles can still be on the road. Besides, with agricultural production up tenfold, the increased reliance on gas-guzzling SUVs will be offset as increased cultivation leads to increased oxygen and better overall air quality.
This solution will create an even larger job market for writers, because with fewer mindless pleasures, there will be a greater demand for authors. Cameras rolling 24/7 completely eliminate the need for script writers, so those left unemployed by reality T.V. may redirect their efforts towards journalism. Print culture will have to revert back to printing presses and hydraulic typewriters. Since newspapers will require more effort to publish, there will be less tabloid news dedicated to celebrity sightings, and more emphasis on producing actual news stories. With the combination of more printing presses and high demand for farmers, children once occupied with video games can redirect their energy towards benefiting their society's demand for consumer goods.
However, I myself am completely immune from this epidemic as my only motive is to ameliorate the negative sanitary, medical, and economic conditions of my country by eradicating electricity and reverting to an agrarian society. The fact that the pseudonym I have chosen is similar to a recently deceased celebrity dispels any potential for popularity that may rise from this ingenious solution, and so the nation as a whole will reap its benefits. Besides, just ask any American if they would rather be self-reliant and hardworking or waste away hours watching his or her neighbor mow the lawn on television.
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